Monthly Archives: June 2013

The barbarian

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I remember coming home from elementary school one day in tears because of the so called “mean girls” of my grade (I was about 11), and I specifically remember my mother harshly telling me that I better get used to it because nothing ever changes.

The Burn Book 

 Today confirmed that, when at 21 years of age I was getting the nastiest text messages imaginable from some creature (yes lets be nice here), assuming my blog post from yesterday was about her. Well, if it were-or if it wasn’t-I can once again say I saw someones true colors.

So why are girls seriously so catty to one another? Men can have fights and get over it within a day or so, and im talking physical hard core fights. But girls? Not so much.

So what turns naive innocent cherubs who play with barbies and sit at a table drinking apple juice (so innocently) together at preschool, into monstrous women? We go from sitting indian style on a carpet wearing pig tails into ostracizing, gossiping, sarcastic, dismissive bitchy teenagers. Or at least some of us do, while embroiled in the classic adolescent hormone intoxicated years of our lives. While some may grow out of this form of character, others-not so much.

So as a woman myself you might wonder why on earth, Im being so misogynistic (aka sexist). Well, rest assured that this is an empirical statement not a personal one. In the past few decades, scholars from: evolutionary biology and cultural anthropology and developmental psychology have noticed that there is a striking difference in aggression between reproductive aged men and women. Teenage boys are prone to engage in direct aggression (physical acts of violence: like hitting, punching, kicking  etc) while women exhibit pronounced social aggression (such as the characteristics listed in the paragraph above).

Personally after the text messages I received today from this one person, I laughed them off rather than exploding off, of them and lowing myself down to that persons standards. But sometimes it’s hard to brush the toxic words/people off your shoulder.

When it comes down to it, the best revenge is happiness and you should ALWAYS surround yourself with people who enrich your energy not drain you. The people who pull you up instead of pushing you down. And basically get away from the wining, needy, manipulative and negative people who turn a fantastic day into a living hell. Aka the toxics.

The best way to deal with toxic people is to not deal. Don’t put up with someone who constantly tries to lower your self esteem or criticizes you.

 Really if someone is out of high school (aka over 18) and feels the need to bring other people down for no apparent reason, then the only thing you should feel for them is sympathy.

I have so many better  things to focus on-rather than engage in such pathetic behavior, or acting like a complete barbarian. So while there isn’t quite a solution for bitchiness, I would have to say the best thing one can do is just ignore it. Don’t engage in the drama, or certainly let it ruin your day.

If you don’t care about the person saying it, then why care what’s said?

Guilty by association?

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Being Judged 

Yesterday I was tweeting, when all of a sudden I asked my self: if your friends define you. The older and wiser I become, I realize that the people you surround yourself with, defines the person that you are (at least from an outside perspective).  

Derived from the title: Guilty by association.

I guess this first became clear to me, my freshman year of college when I became friends with a girl that everyone disliked. I’m someone whose friendly to everyone until you screw me over. So I gave her the time of day and given she was always nice to me, I was always nice to her in return. 

Later looking back at this alleged friendship, I realize that it was more of a “partying thing,” than a “friendship” thing. I can name every club we went to on a daily basis during the summer of 2010, but yet I don’t know what her major was, or what High School she went to. 

Rumors would go around about what a “bitch” this girl was, and soon enough we both got labeled “bitches”. Within about 6-8 months of the school year starting, l I saw who she truly was as a person, and sadly but surly the rest of my grade-were right. 

But although our friendship died, my association and reputation didn’t. I’ve even gotten told before by multiple people that because I was friends with this certain someone, they presumed that I was the same person that they were (aka a huge bitch). Which wasn’t the case? 

As they say “never judge a book by its cover”. Well, in this situation we can familiarize the fact that even the contents page of the “book” didn’t look bitchy to me. But after a few months went by, I got to learn who the person really was and we later parted ways. P-a-r-t-i-n-g our friendship instead of partying our friendship. 

Years later and entering into my senior year of college this August, I can admit that closing this door of friendship almost three years ago, has opened up plenty of others. While I can’t quite say I have the best reputation for choosing friends or boyfriends for that matter, what I can say is that each friendship teaches me something different. 

Personally I would never want someone to prejudge who I am, based off of who my friends are. Not because they are bad in any which way or form, but just because we are each individuals. I think it’s important to get to know someones character before assuming who they might be, or assuming that they are just like their friends in every which way possible.  

When I asked other people this question, most parents said yes. Which I guess makes sense now that I think about it, because when we were each younger, no parent wanted their kid hanging out with the class rebel, or the class slut? Why? Because you would be guilty by association and if the class rebels doing drugs, you probably would be doing drugs also. 

I suppose it’s a controversial question, with many different answers. So then aside from asking elder generations I also decided to ask some of my closest guy friends, who of course each had very different answers from one another.

 One said that if he first met a girl, who was surrounded by a group of girls conveying a certain appearance-he would assume that she was just like them. While another said that he would’t judge a girl based off of who she was friends with because “then again whose opinions do you care about other than your friends.” 

Girls on the other hand openly admitted to judging people by who they were friends with. “Obviously if Stacy is a bitch, then Maggie is also” simply because the two of them are best friends. (names have been changed) and then it ties in with-if you don’t like Stacy you obviously wouldn’t like Maggie or wouldn’t like to like Maggie just because she is friends with someone you hate.  

It’s a very confusing world we live in-but at the end of the day, weather we like it or not, we are always going to be judged by someone out there.  

Barneys

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So yesterday I decided to skip out on the posting, given that midterms are consuming most of my time (at the moment). So when I decided to check my phone to see what pictures I could post to update you on, thats when I realized that I haven’t really posted a “picture post”  in a really long while (for me at least). So below are some pictures that update you on the past week or so.

A Yummy and Healthy NYC dinner 
Christian Loboutins 
The Best type of Cardio! 
A big kid..I forgot to add the .com into the equation 
The greatest pleasure comes from doing what people say you can’t. Cooking an English Dinner from scratch. 
I just love the summer way to much! 
Elle magazine and Chandon. Somethings saying this is yacht appropriate! 
Children see the light in everything! 

Short Shorts. Who knew British people could get so very tan?!
Versace, Hermes, Oscar De La Renta and one rushing blonde 
A casual Lunch of Champions 
My latest shoe indulgence 🙂 

How about we…

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So I guess you can say that last week was utterly terrible from start to finish. Between midterms, getting in a car accident, and learning of the passing of an old classmate and friends, from my days at Cold Spring Harbor High School. A friend who was a brief (childhood) boyfriend, my first kiss at our middle school dance, and the guy that made everyone laugh.

Death is something that truly terrifies me, yet of course can’t be avoided. The truth is that none of us know when we are going to die, or when anyones going to die. We live a life full of expectation instead  of living for the day, and push the thought of dying, into the very back of our heads. While the right words are still scrambling around in my head knowing what to say, my thoughts and prayers go out to everyone else who grew up with zak and to all of his friends and family.

So on a little bit of a lighter note, (and completely different note) today I have had time to catch up on some school work and focus on things that matter, while the heat bolted up to 90 degrees I tanned for a little bit, then went back to working on my 1920s economic homework (fun I know). Then of course somewhere in between the mix, I got distracted and decided to download some new apps. Given that I frequently go on Guest Of A Guest, I’ve noticed this new advertisement that keeps popping up. It’s a social media application called “How about we..” Which is a dating application for singles.

 The point of the application is to post dates, and press “Im intrigued” if your intrigued (the obvious) in someone or some date that someone posts. So   I decided to make a profile for the hell of it, to see what the fuss and hype was all about. While I don’t believe in online dating (I believe in fate), nor do I ever want to say I met my future hubby on match.com or something of the like, what I can say is that the experience has been quite entertaining so far, as well as an interesting experiment .

So let me explain more into detail

1st) For the CLEAR clarification, I would never actually go on a date that someone asked me to online…unless I knew them through a friend or was introduced to them first (common sense/safety people)!.
2nd) If they are over 35 and single, there is probably a reason
3rd) I had a 39 year old, ask me on a date at 10:30 pm tonight (he had a turtle in his profile picture and looked like he was balding-no thank you )
4th) If you actually use “how about we”and you’re considering going on a date with someone, I would do some research first to see if they are a legitimate person.
5th) Google tells you a lot about someone
6th) I have to admit it’s a little bit of an ego boost when you get messages or asked on dates  (so if you need a boost of confidence you have nothing to loose)!
7th) The app also asks you questions, like what would you do if you won the lottery tomorrow, your life history in five sentences, and your first concert (talk about reminisce…I think mine was Madonna)!
8th) Another hint, if they ask you to a date over 10 pm…just don’t go
9th) If your into the whole social media (non serendipity type love..) Dating then I would suggest going with a friend before you show up somewhere, and maybe wear sunglasses just incase he ends up being 20 years older than his profile picture, or looking like Ms Doubtfire.
10th) Overall: It does seem to be an OK application, its fun but of course not free. You have to pay almost $30 a month to be able to read messages, or $100 a year.

“How about we…go to the beach?” <–Example! 

What happened to just meeting someone? Are we honestly so socially incompetent that we can’t meet someone without an application or a website? The way I look at it is that there is a plan for everyone, someone out there for everyone, and that whatever is meant to be will be.

So long story short, stop overanalyzing everything wrong you did with the last guy, stop talking about him or asking your friends what you possibly could have done wrong. It’s not you, and there are thousands of reasons why he never called along with thousands of other people out there. If you haven’t heard from someone 3-4 days after your date then: he’s just not that into you. He didn’t loose your number, his phone or his senses.

There are honestly so many rules about the do’s and dont’s of dating, that google can overwhelm you with countless results. At the end of the day “dating” is just a game that everyone plays.